Understanding Your Middle School Child

Fegeley-Talent-Show-2013Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote "What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." I often wonder if he intended this statement to describe middle school students.

I’ve been fortunate to have spent 18 years of my educational career at the middle school level. Many days were amazing, some challenging, and all gratifying. During that time, I’ve had numerous parents seek advice for supporting and raising their middle school children. The following is what I suggest:

Love your child unconditionally. Never hold your love as a punishment. Your children need your acceptance, approval and support to reach their full potential.

Actively participate in your child’s life. Be present, engaged, and supportive. Talk daily about school. Use their student planner to help shape that conversation. Find a common interest outside of school. Put aside time for nothing other than to be with family.

Work hard to help your child foster a love for reading. This is a gift they may not appreciate today but will forever be grateful.

Create a daily routine that includes a time to do homework immediately after school in a quiet area away from the television and music. Check grades on PowerSchool together. Eat dinner as a family as often as possible. It is amazing what you learn and the influence you have during those unstructured times of conversation.

Be a good role model. Your actions speak volumes more than the words you say to them. They want to be like you and will mimic your behaviors regardless of what you tell them.

Your child’s actions today in some way directly impact the rest of their life. They need to be mindful of their thoughts and words; both are powerful. Their thoughts become words, their words actions, their actions habits, their habits will create the adult they become. Help them develop healthy, productive habits.

Set rules and hold them accountable. They will make mistakes and bad decisions, everyone does. When this happens teach them to do three things: Accept responsibility, admit to making a mistake; make it right, apologize or do what it requires to fix the mistake; learn from the experience, and don’t continue to make the same mistake.

Teach your child that success is not an accident, but failure can be. If they fail to plan, they are planning to fail.

When dealing with your middle school child, realize that the shell you see on the outside contains a dramatically changing and confused individual on the inside. They are growing physically at irregular rates and at different times than others their same age. They have a need to release energy which often results in a sudden burst that could appear meaningless. They are very emotional and experience mood swings. They are very self-conscious, often have low self-esteem and are extremely sensitive to all criticisms, even constructive.

Above all else, know that this developmental stage is just as confusing and frustrating for your child as it is for you, but the two of you can get through it together.

Phil Misecko is principal at Fegely Middle School.