Written by Phil Misecko, Principal
Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote "What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." I often wonder if he intended this statement to describe a middle school student.
I've been fortunate to have spent 14 years of my educational career at the middle school level. Some days were amazing, some challenging, and all gratifying. During these years, I've had numerous parents seek advice for raising their middle school children. With that noted, the following is what I suggest:
Love your child unconditionally. Never hold your love as a punishment. They need your acceptance, approval and support to reach their full potential.
Actively participate in your child's life. Be present, engaged, and supportive. Talk daily about school. Use their student planner to help shape that conversation. Find a common interest outside of school. Put aside time for nothing other than to be with family.
Work hard to help your child foster a love for reading. This is a gift they may not appreciate today but will forever be grateful.
Create a daily routine which includes a time to do homework immediately after school in a quiet area away from the television and music. Check grades on PowerSchool together. Eat dinner as a family as often as possible. It is amazing what you learn during those unstructured times of conversation.
Be a good role model. Your actions speak volumes more than the words you say to them. They want to be like you and will mimic your behaviors regardless of what you tell them.
Instill in your child that they should aspire to do great things. Anything worth having is hard to get. Help them love themselves enough to go after the things worth having.
Your child's actions today in some way directly impact the rest of their life. They need to be mindful of their thoughts and words, both are powerful. Their thoughts become words, their words actions, their actions habits, their habits will create the adult they become. Help them develop good habits.
Set rules and hold them accountable. They will make mistakes and bad decisions, everyone does. When this happens teach them to do three things: Accept responsibility, admit to making a mistake; make it right, apologize or do what it requires to fix the mistake; learn from the experience, and don't continue to make the same mistake. I know the instinct is to shelter them from the consequences, if you do, that is a lesson they will also learn.
Teach your child that success is not an accident, but failure can be. If they fail to plan, they are planning to fail.
When dealing with your middle school child, realize that the shell you see on the outside contains a dramatically changing and confused individual on the inside. They are growing physically at irregular rates and at different times than others their same age.
They have a need to release energy which often results in a sudden burst that could appear meaningless. They are very emotional and experience mood swings that take them from the highest highs to the lowest lows immediately and without reason. They are very self-conscious, often have low self-esteem and are extremely sensitive to all criticisms, even constructive. Possibly the most confusing and demanding factor in their life at this time is that they are constantly seeking the acceptance of their peers.
And please realize that this developmental stage is just as confusing for your child as it is for you.